Angel stood in the doorway to his room looking at the bed sadly. He hadn't been able to sleep there since he'd broken things off with Buffy; it was too painful. The memories of her sleeping there just a few days ago made it impossible for him to rest easy without her there, and the realization that she may never be there again made it impossible to rest at all.

The aged vampire sighed noiselessly and resumed pacing in front of the fire, occasionally dragging his hands through his hair. Angel hated hurting Buffy more than anything, and knowing that she was hurting now and that he couldn't blame anyone other than himself made him wonder why he was still walking around. If anyone else had hurt her this badly, if that human boy everyone wanted him to free Buffy to fall in love with *ever* caused her this much pain, Angel would kill him. Or at the very least beat him within an inch of his life. So Angel wondered at the perverse logic that allowed him to keep walking, instead of walking into the Sun. But, Angel knew that if he gave into the guilt and despair, he wouldn't be around to protect Buffy, even if right now she needed protection from him. It still hurt horribly. And the irony that her own idea had driven them apart was not lost on him. The former Scourge of Europe could refuse the tiny blond Slayer nothing, and that weakness had cost him her love. Again.

The door slammed behind him, startling Angel out of his thoughts. He spun to face Buffy, surprised to see her after their most recent encounter, and even more surprised by the unholy rage gleaming from her eyes. The few times he'd seen Buffy since his speech had ended things, she'd been quiet- hurt palpable in the air around her- with the exception of the truce called on account of the Prom. As the Slayer advanced toward him purposefully, a trickle of concern made it's way through Angel's undead system. A thoroughly pissed of Vampire Slayer and the vampire that had broken her heart, together in one room? Not a good combination.

Angel was absolutely right. Within a moment he was flat on his back with Buffy crouched over him, stake in hand. Her hazel eyes glittered dangerously as she pressed the stake to Angel's chest over his heart. "I'm tired of crying. I've gotten it out of my system. Now, I'm mad. You've made a major decision that affects both of us without consulting me. I let you get away with it, but that's *my* problem. *Your* problem is sitting still and keeping your mouth shut. You've had your turn, now it's mine. Do you understand?"

Angel opened his mouth to respond, but one look at the fire in her eyes and the prick of her stake's sharpened point convinced him it would be best to keep still and silent.

Once she was convinced Angel wasn't going anywhere, Buffy moved of his body, though her stake was still clutched in her small hand. Angel sat up slowly as the Slayer paced in front of the fireplace, playing nervously with her stake and trying to decide where to start. Deciding she would go with her strengths, Buffy attacked. "You broke your promise," she accused, glaring at Angel. "I know that you've been avoiding telling me what and how deep your fears are, and I know that you've lied to me before. I may hate it, and you may not want to or mean to, but it's human nature to hide things that make you look bad. But, I have *never* known you to break a promise to me before Angel. I could always count on you to keep your word, and the idea that I can't believe in you anymore hurts almost as much as the idea that you don't love me anymore."

Angel made a strangled sound at her words, his dark eyes pain filled but said nothing more, mindful of his silent promise to keep quiet. Buffy studied his shocked expression and sighed before apologizing. "OK," she allowed. "That was a low blow. I know you love me; I can see it every time you look at me. But it *does* hurt Angel. You told me, to my *face* that you don't want to be with me. You promised me you wouldn't give up on us, but you did!"

Angel couldn't hold his tongue any longer. Yes, he had hurt Buffy, and he *had* told her that he didn't want her life to be with him. Saying that to Buffy, and letting her believe it meant *he* didn't want to be with her, had very nearly made the vampire sick to his stomach. Every time he hurt her, Angel felt the pain too, but this time he hurt even more because she *had* believed him. "It was a lie Buffy!" Angel exploded, pain making his voice raw. "I did *not* give up on us! I can't believe you accepted what I said at face value. You said it yourself a minute ago. I avoid things, I prevaricate, and occasionally I lie, but I *don't* break the promises I make, especially the promises I make to you."

"So it was a test?!" Buffy exploded, shocked. "What for? I know I sent you some mixed signals and sent you to Hell, but have I ever truly made you think that I don't love you?!"

Angel knew better than to answer that loaded question, but Buffy must have seen the remembered pain reflected in his eyes. They still hadn't talked about Scott, and how much a blow learning about him had been to Angel when he was still so disoriented after his return from Hell. Buffy flushed and looked away guiltily before speaking again, her voice low and controlled. "How could you say those things to me, for any reason? How could you bring yourself to lie about wanting to be with me?"

"I told the second biggest lie I could think of," Angel replied simply. "Yes, when I first started thinking about what to say to you, how to tell you I was leaving, I meant every word I said. I... I guess I was panicking when the final thing hit, and I knew it was time to go. And every single reason I gave about why we shouldn't be together is valid, each one part of my own fears and worries about what our being together means for you. But, I calmed down a little and remembered my promise to you. I will *not* give up on us."

Angel gathered himself and rose from the floor, his turn to pace in front of the fire. "But, we agreed that the 'breakup' had to be believable. You told me to hit you from out of the blue, and when I started talking things just kept coming out of my mouth. And your reaction, what you were saying just fed the argument. I was looking for a lie, and what you said gave me a huge one, one I was sure you wouldn't be able to miss. But, you believed what I was saying! So, I figured 'OK, it was a shock. She'll go home, cry to Willow, and everyone will believe this is real. Then, she'll calm down, and we can make up before the distance starts.' But nothing happened! When I saw you at the butcher, you were angry and hurt, and I knew then that you believed everything I'd told you. That you believed that I didn't want to be with you. God, Buffy!" Angel ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "You know me better than anyone. You know how much I want you, how much I need you. The only lie I could possibly tell that is bigger would be if I could deny loving you, and it is simply impossible for those words to come out of my mouth!"

Buffy hauled back and slugged Angel, knocking him back to the floor, tears running unchecked down her face. "The next time you need to lie to me tell me that you can walk in the sun, or that Cordelia is the nicest person you've ever met, or that Xander is your biggest fan. *Don't* lie to me about our relationship," Angel just sat there on the floor, rubbing his jaw, avoiding her eyes. Buffy sighed and sat down next to him, reaching out tentatively to brush her fingertips against the bruise already forming. "You're right that's one of the biggest lies you can tell me, and I told you to tell me a whopper so I'd be sure to catch it. But Angel, those lies are also the ones I'm most afraid are true. I know you love me, but Angelus tried to make your feelings for me a lie. And he told me, many times, in many ways, that being with me was a joke, that it didn't mean anything, that he was glad to be rid of me. My head can tell me that it was just a demon trying to hurt me, but my heart still took all the blows."